Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
zippers are such a cool invention
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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