I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
