when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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