I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
