her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
