would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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