her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
