we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
