If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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