Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Found your dick twin last night
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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