Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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