Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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