is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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