you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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