I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
