I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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