he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
