So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize