Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize