It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
