thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
