yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
