You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
