I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
