dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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