If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm passing your future prison.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
