So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
as a side note pls kill me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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