I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
