I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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