Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize