I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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