Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
