That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize