Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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