I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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