omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
