Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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