i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
