You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
