I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
