I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
