can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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