I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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