..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
