Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
