You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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