i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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