do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
