They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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