You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
