i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize