I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
