did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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