I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
