fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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