Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
