There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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