after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
