I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
