so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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