Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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