erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
