it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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