he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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