I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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