Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
