You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
