a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
