This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
