you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
