omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
babies were throwing up all over the place
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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