a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
