now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize