okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
