We're facebook friends in real life
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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