Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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