she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
