the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
