Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need moral support for this bender
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
