I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
