No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
