I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
