shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
