She announced her abortion via fbk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
