This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
