I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we're making bets on your personal life
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
my liver is dry heaving
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
