omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize