Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
