I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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