This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
