Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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