the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have fence marks all over my body
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
