I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
