garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
