i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
