hell yes lets make some ravioli
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
